The Word Of God
by LeeLee Lollipop
Summary: The angels have fallen, Cas is lost and Sam is dying. All Dean can do is pray to a God he doesn't believe in anymore. But perhaps God is closer than Dean thinks... (Set after 8x23)
1. Prologue

Dean looked worriedly at his little brother. Sam had let go of the Trials, but had been in so much pain since then. The only thing Dean could do was get back to the Batcave, and hope Sam didn't die on the way there.

…...

Sam moaned as a fresh wave of pain burst through him. He'd let go of the Trials, because Dean had asked him to, but deep down he knew that they were killing him. Finishing them or not, Sam knew he was dying either way.

….

Cas continued to stare at the sky, even after the burning trails of light had faded. He'd never had much cause to feel emotion, angels didn't really require them, but as a human…He'd never felt such sorrow, such anguish. He'd never cried before now.

….

Chuck stared up at the woman in front of him. He twitched slightly as she placed a hand over his. "Write them. The books."

"But…Sam said –"

"I don't care." The woman smiled. "They need to be written."

When Chuck nodded and reached for his pen, the woman headed towards the door.

"Oh, and Chuck?"

He looked up.

The woman smiled once more. "Thank you. For everything."

_**A.N. – So, what do you think? The idea popped into my head a few days ago.**_


	2. Stay Awake

Dean pulled up to the Batcave and heaved a sigh of relief. He almost threw himself out of the car.

"Hey, Kevin!"

The small prophet scrambled through the doors and his eyes widened when he saw Sam. "What happened to him?"

"He stopped the Trials. Help me get him inside." Dean lifted half of Sam out of the Impala and Kevin hurriedly took his other arm.

They manoeuvred Sam into the bunker and laid him on a couch.

"There's a first aid kit under the kitchen sink. Get it." Dean smoothed his hand through Sam's hair. "Come on, Sammy. You gotta wake up for me."

Sam stirred, pressing himself closer to Dean's hand. "D'n…"

Dean felt worry settle in him. Not an unfamiliar feeling when it came to Sam. "Sammy? Hey, open your eyes, little brother. You need to stay awake."

"'M tired, Dean."

"I know, but you gotta stay awake, Sammy. I need you to do that." Taking the kit from Kevin, Dean pulled out the thermometer and placed it under Sam's tongue. "104 degrees. Shit."

"I can get some ice."

Dean nodded, anxiously placing his hand on Sam's forehead. His brother's skin was burning him, but Dean didn't care. He had to touch Sam, had to feel the skin under his fingertips, had to have _proof_ that his little brother was still here.

"Here." Kevin held out the towel-wrapped ice, and Dean placed it on Sam's forehead underneath his hand.

"Wha-What did you mean when you said he stopped the Trials?"

Looking up at Kevin, Dean sighed. "Metatron lied. If Sam finished curing Crowley, he'd have died. I wasn't gonna let that happen. I'm sorry –"

Kevin shook his head. "No, it's ok. I understand. I'd do the same for both you and Sam, I just…why did Metatron lie?"

Dean shrugged. Another thing he didn't know. He didn't know if Sam was going to live, he didn't know what was happening outside. Hell, the only person who would know was dead for all Dean knew.

"Stay awake, Sammy. Don't you dare go to sleep. Not yet."

….

Sam was tired. His head was pounding and he felt like his body was on fire. The pain had stopped, but that didn't mean it couldn't start again anytime soon.

There was light, Sam knew that much, and he could hear Dean's voice, and Kevin's. He didn't know where he was, but there was someone touching him and it felt like Dean.

He tried calling for Dean, but all that came out of his mouth was garbled mush.

Dean told him to open his eyes, and he tried. He really did try, but he was just _so_ tired. His head was suddenly a little colder, and he opened his eyes a little more. Dean looked worried, and Sam felt sad. He'd let Dean down again, made Dean worry about him, when there was so much more to worry about. More important things that Sam.

"Stay awake, Sammy."

Sam wanted to say that he'd try, that he was going to do his best, but the words wouldn't come out. He wanted to stay awake for Dean, he knew he _had_ to stay awake for Dean, but he was so tired…

….

Stumbling through fields was nothing new to Cas. He remembered stumbling through fields and forests in Purgatory.

Exhaustion, however, _was_ new.

Angels didn't sleep. Cas didn't know how to sleep. All he knew was that he had to keep going, he had to find Dean.

"Father, please." Cas prayed. "If you hear me, help me find him. I beg of you."

There was no answer. There never was.

Cas heaved a weary sigh and forced himself to carry on walking. His head was pounding, and there was an emptiness inside him that almost brought him to tears. He was graceless. A wingless disappointment. He was the cause of all this; his brothers and sisters feel through the sky to oblivion because of him.

Dropping to his knees, Cas felt fresh tears pour from his eyes as he remembered his last sensations as an angel.

"_Castiel!"_

Dean's voice, crying his name. Dean's desperation searing though their bond. The slow burn as his grace was leeched from him by a traitorous angel.

"Dean." Cas whispered the name like a prayer, as if Dean would come and lift him from the ground and help him walk.

That wasn't going to happen. Cas knew he would have to do it himself. Stay awake, and get to Dean.


	3. Everything That Matters

"Hey Dean?"

Dean looked up from watching Sam sleep. "Yeah?"

Kevin rubbed his hand over his face, concealing a yawn. "I think I found something. Something in the tablet about the Trials."

"Dude, have you slept?" Dean looked at Kevin in concern. He was starting to look almost as bad as Sam.

Shrugging, Kevin turned into the other room. "I've been busy."

Dean decided to let it drop and leaned over the desk to look at the angel tablet. "So, what did you find?"

"It's not good."

"Kevin."

Kevin sighed. "Sam's going to die."

Dean froze. No. Sam couldn't die, he'd made sure that wouldn't happen. Sam had stopped the Trials, he was in the clear. "But, I thought…"

"Sam would have died if he'd have finished the Trials, but he'll die even quicker now that he's refused to finish them. And it'll hurt."

Abruptly standing, Dean marched away from Kevin and sat next to his brother. He looked down at Sam, seeing the gaunt face and shadowed eyes, the sheen of sweat that never left his skin. Sam was dying. And there was nothing Dean could do to stop it.

"Shit." Dean took Sam's hand. "Shit, Sammy…I'm sorry. I can't stop this."

Tears were choking Dean, but he cleared his throat and fought through them. "I tried, Sammy. God knows I tried to stop it coming to this. I just…I never thought you'd be the one leaving me. I always thought I was gonna get myself killed saving your ass. Because that's what I was supposed to do. _Take care of Sammy, Dean. Take care of your little brother._ That's what Dad always said. But I can't…"

The tears had spilled down Dean's cheeks, but he didn't care. The words were flowing out of him; things he'd been meaning to admit for so long.

"I can't stop this, Sam. I want to. I'd give anything for it to be me right now, not you. I don't know how I'm gonna do this…with you…"

Dean's voice left him. He couldn't say it. He and Sam had always depended on each other, they'd always been scarily co-dependant, and he couldn't find it in him to admit that Sam was dying. That this time he wouldn't come back.

"I love you, Sammy. I know I never said it before, but I do. You're my brother. You're everything that matters, always have been."

Sam breathed shallowly, unaware that Dean was so close to breaking. Unaware that one delayed breath would send Dean over the edge.

But Dean knew. Knew that he was barely holding it all in. Knew that if Sam died, he would lose it, and never get it back.


	4. Unseen

Cas could have cried with relief when he spotted the Impala through the trees. He tried to walk faster, but his legs buckled underneath him. Cas saw black creeping in at the edges of his vision and clenched his fists in fright. Was he dying? Had he pushed his body too much? He thought that it would be ironic, and just like him, to fail when he was so near to what he wanted.

….

Cas opened his eyes slowly and was greeted with Kevin's worried face. "What happened?"

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. "I found you unconscious outside. You slept all day and night. What happened to _you_?"

"Is that all it was? I was worried I had pushed myself too far and somehow caused my own death."

"You passed out from exhaustion." Kevin looked unamused.

Slowly sitting up, Cas winced as a sharp pain shot through his skull. "Where is Dean?"

Kevin's face fell and Cas felt his heart drop. "He's not...?"

"What? No! No, Dean's fine. It's Sam."

Cas was experiencing a wave of different emotions: worry, relief, confusion. They were all so much _stronger_ than when he'd been an angel. With a groan of pain, Cas stood up and stumbled his way to the door.

He walked slowly down to the living room, and stood in the doorway. Dean was sat next to Sam, a broken expression on his face.

"Hello Dean."

Dean jumped, and gazed up at Cas in wonder. "I thought you…"

"Fell?" Cas sat next to Dean. "I did. In a fashion."

Dean quirked an eyebrow, knowing that Cas wasn't telling him everything.

Cas sighed. "Dean, I'm sorry. I…I failed."

"Cas, what are you talking about?"

Tears were falling down Cas' cheeks again. "I tried so hard to do something right. I tried to make it better. I thought closing Heaven would do that, then I could stay here at peace. But I failed you again."

Dean's eyes widened. "Me? Failed _me_? Cas, we've had some rough spots, but why in the hell would you think that you'd failed _me_?"

"Because I have!" Cas insisted. " I tried to atone for what I'd done before, but I failed."

Cas looked at Dean and realised something new. Something that took his breath away in horror and made him tremble.

"Dean, no…"

"Cas, what is it? Jesus, Cas, what's wrong?!"

Cas burst into heart-wrenching sobs and collapsed into Dean's arms.

"I can't see you. I can't see you!"

Dean's hands were patting Cas' back awkwardly. "Cas, you can see me. You looked at me, you spoke to me."

Shaking his head, Cas buried his face into Dean's shoulder. "I can't see you!"

"Cas, what are you_ talking about_?"

Cas raised his head to look into Dean's eyes. They were the same green as always, but there was something missing. Something Dean had always had, that Cas had always seen. Now it was gone.

"Dean, I can't see your soul anymore."


	5. Wrath

A young woman in a suit folded the newspaper in her hands and sighed. She had left Chuck and travelled across the States, trying to find someone who could tell her where she needed to go.

She lifted a coffee cup to her lips and caught sight of her reflection in the window. A young, pretty girl stared back at her, with short brown hair and tired eyes.

As she put the cup down, the headline on the paper caught her eye once more.

**Worst Meteor Shower Ever! Unexplained Amnesia!**

On second thoughts, she knew _exactly_ what had happened. She frowned in displeasure.

…...

Dean sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. After Cas' breakdown, Dean had kept prodding until Cas had told him that he'd never really seen _Dean_, he'd almost always only seen Dean's soul.

Cas had described it as a bright, pure light that twisted around itself with shimmers of colour from Dean himself breaking through, the most prominent being his green eyes and blue jacket.

Now he was human, Dean's soul was invisible to Cas, and that devastated the former angel.

"Hey, Dean. Take a break." Kevin pulled Dean from his chair. "Let someone else take care of Sam for a change. Go get some sleep, or food or something."

"Kevin, I can't just leave my brother. Not now."

Glaring at the elder Winchester, the prophet sat himself down next to Sam. "Dean, don't make me hit you. Besides, you're no good to Sam if you wear yourself out. Take a break."

With another sigh, Dean shrugged and went outside to see his Baby. Kevin was right. He had to stay strong for Sam. And now Cas too. They were all he had left.

"Hey Baby. Miss me?"

Running a hand down the smooth hood, Dean was struck by how much his car had been through, and how it had remained, despite everything. People had died, people had left, but Dean and Sam had always had Baby.

"Always been there for us, huh Baby?" Dean chuckled, before leaning against her and looking up at the sky.

The sky was dark, and the stars seemed bleak in comparison to the burning trails from two nights ago.

"Where are you, man?" Dean asked. "You'd think, with the angels falling and demons about to walk, that you'd come _running_. Hell, I thought you'd have been here for the apocalypse. But you're still hiding. What are you doing? You created us, you created the angels, so why don't you _care_? Are you even listening?"

"I do not think my Father has ever listened, Dean."

Dean looked at Cas sadly. "Sure looks that way, doesn't it?"

There was a sudden rumble of thunder, and the clouds began rolling together. The wind whipped the trees and a harsh, icy rain pelted their heads.

Dean dragged Cas into the bunker. "What the _hell_ is that?!"

Cas opened his mouth, then paled as the ground started to shake.

"Cas?"

"It's…It's my Father."

Dean's jaw dropped. "How do you know?"

"This. This is God's anger. The anger that caused the Great Flood, the anger that caused the Plagues and the smiting of Sodom and Gomorrah. The anger that cast my brother Lucifer from Heaven. The true Wrath of God."

"Wha -?"

"Dean!" Cas grabbed Dean's arm, a joyous smile on his face. "My Father has returned!"

"Yeah, but he's pissed, right?"

Cas cringed. "That would be an understatement."

Nodding slowly, Dean looked up at Cas, worry creasing his face. "So who's the poor bastard who caused it?"

….

Heaven shook with power.

Metatron cowered in the corner of a white room, the body of an angel still lying on the floor, blood spilling from her head.

The doors to the room crashed open and Metatron whimpered.

The young woman stormed in and stood over Metatron, glaring fiercely.

She spoke, and her voice was cold with rage.

"You little shit."


	6. Healing

God glared at Metatron, feeling heat start to pool in the tips of Her fingers.

"Father, please, I –"

"You do not speak to me unless spoken to!" God snapped. "And you do _not_ address me as Father. I renounce you as my child, Metatron. You have betrayed me beyond all redemption."

He whimpered and shrunk further into himself.

Satisfied that he would remain where he was, God turned to the angel on the floor. "Naomi, awaken. I have need of you."

Slowly pulling the instrument from the back of Naomi's head, God helped the flesh knit back together and smiled when the angel's eyes blinked.

"Father?"

Hello Naomi."

Naomi's blue eyes filled with tears as she grabbed at God's hand. "Father, please forgive me! I lost sight of what was important, what you taught us. I'm so sorry!"

With a soft smile, God placed a finger over Naomi's lips. "You recognise the wrong you did, I can ask for no more than that. You may do your penance in your own time, but now I have need of you."

She nodded. "Anything."

"Bring him to me. The last archangel."

Naomi nodded and vanished.

God rubbed Her temples tiredly. "I will deal with you later, Metatron. Know that you will be killed if I find you have left Heaven in my absence. Do you understand?"

He cowered and nodded. "Yes, Lord."

Her mouth set in a grim line, God disappeared to Earth. She had an appointment with the Winchesters.

….

"So, let me get this straight: You're human, I'm dying and God came back?"

Cas nodded at Sam. "Those are the basic facts, yes."

Sam blew out an exasperated breath. "And you found all this out while I was asleep?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah. Hey Cas, can you, uh, give us a minute?"

When Cas left, Dean shifted awkwardly in front of Sam. "Listen, Sam –"

"I could hear you."

Dean froze. "What?"

"I wasn't exactly asleep. I could hear what you said to me." Sam smiled. It had been nice, hearing Dean say it. Especially after all the years of 'no chick flick moments'. "And Dean, just so you know, you don't always have to look after me. Let someone look after _you_ for a change."

Dean huffed out a laugh and ruffled Sam's hair. "Nice try, Sammy. But until you're better, that's not happening."

"I'm not getting better Dean. Kevin was right."

Shaking his head, Dean sat next to Sam. "Don't say that, Sammy."

"I can feel myself dying, Dean!"

"There's got to be something we can do!" Dean dropped his head onto Sam's shoulder. "There _has_ to be something I can do."

"There's nothing you can do, but I am a different story."

Dean's head snapped up and he heard a soft squeak fall from Sam's mouth. "Who the hell are you?"

The woman in the doorway looked Dean up and down, before nodding in approval. "Dean Winchester. The Righteous Man. It's nice to finally meet my champion in person."

"Champion…what…?"

"You're God." Sam said flatly.

Smiling widely, God walked into the room. "And you're Sam Winchester. You know, I'm proud of you. You've gone beyond what was ever expected of you. Well done."

Dean stood up abruptly. "Hold up. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to heal your brother. I'd say he's earned it."

A burning anger started to overwhelm Dean. "Earned it? _Earned it_?! He almost killed himself three times over and you say that he's earned it! Lady, you better explain something to me, or I swear…"

"Explain what?" She cocked an eyebrow. "Explain where I was? Explain what I was doing? What exactly do you want me to explain?"

"Where were you?"

Both Dean and God stared at Cas. He was clutching the doorframe, knuckles white, and he was glaring at God.

"Father, where were you? I screamed for you. I prayed for you to return. I went _looking_ for you! So please, because I would dearly love to know, where the fuck were you?!"

Sam sucked in a breath at Cas' language. He almost never swore.

God looked apologetic. "Castiel. My brave, wonderful child. I promise you, I will put everything right. And I will give you a full explanation in time. But now, Sam, you must be healed or you will die before noon tomorrow."

Ignoring Dean's shout and Sam struggling, God placed Her hands on either side of his face and felt a gentle heat leave them. It sank into Sam's skin, before bursting back out of his body in a wave of black.

Sam sank back onto the sofa with a contented sigh. "Thank you."

Turning to look at Dean, God lifted a hand and traced his face. "Leave him to rest. I will be back shortly, but I feel I should deal with Metatron as quickly as possible. Expect another visitor tomorrow."

With a soft kiss to Her fingers, She turned and vanished on the spot.

Dean looked at Cas. "That was unexpected."

Cas shrugged. "Father has always been impulsive. Just read the Bible. And He has always been busy. Be grateful He even spoke to you at all."

"I don't exactly think that's a thing to be grateful about." Dean muttered, glaring at the floor.


	7. Flying

"God just pops in, heals Sam and disappears without even giving Cas a damn explanation for fucking _anything_!"

Dean paced in front of Kevin, angrily gesturing to make his point. After God had left, Cas had rushed into the garden with a broken look on his face, almost as though he were holding back tears. Cas had been crying a lot since he got to the bunker, and Dean didn't know how to help.

"Maybe God doesn't know how to explain it. I know I wouldn't be able to do it."

Sighing, Dean shrugged, then pushed Kevin towards the bedrooms. "I guess. Hey, go to sleep, man. Seriously."

Kevin agreed with a glare, and Dean chuckled slightly before walking outside to join Cas.

Cas was staring up at the sky, face emotionless. His shoulders were shaking, but Dean could see that he wasn't crying.

Opening his mouth to speak, Dean closed as Cas picked up stones from the floor and flung them into the air.

"Why?! Why was it me? Why is it _always _me?! What did I do that was so wrong? I wanted to make it better, how is that a flaw? _Why am I the one who suffers_?!"

Dean gaped in shock. Cas was throwing stones at _birds_.

"Cas! Cas, buddy…c'mon, stop that. C'mere."

Cas fell into Dean's arms.

"I remember everything, Dean. I remember the day I was born, how my brothers and sisters greeted me with such utter _joy_. None of them can remember their own names now. They don't remember filling Heaven with song, they don't remember flying."

Cas wasn't crying, he wasn't even moving. He just laid his face on Dean's chest and his voice sounded so _lost_. It hurt Dean even more than seeing Cas cry.

"And you remember everything?"

Cas nodded slowly. "I remember what it felt like to raise my voice so that it echoed in every corner of Heaven, and how to change the pitch so that it melded seamlessly with my brothers and sisters' voices. I remember feeling the stretch and pull of my wings as I flew and tried to push myself faster. I can't do that now."

"I'm guessing you tried?"

Shuddering, Cas pressed his face further into Dean, so that Dean struggled to hear him. "I tried to fly away. I tried to _run_ away. And then I remembered that I can't."

Nodding, Dean looked up. "And you hated that the birds can fly."

"It sounds so stupid when you say it."

"Aw, Cas, it's not stupid. It's just different. You'll get used to it, we've got time."

There was a chuckle from behind them. "You'd better get a move on. There's not much time left, Deano."

Dean froze. He knew that voice.

"Impossible." Cas choked.

Dean turned to look at the smirking archangel behind them. "You've got to be fucking _kidding_ me! You died! How can you _not_ be dead?"

The archangel raised his arms and grinned. "I _am_ the Trickster."


	8. Revelations

"You're alive."

Gabriel grinned at Cas. "Sure am, little bro. And don't you worry. Daddy Dearest's got a plan to fix all this."

Taking a step forwards, Dean fixed Gabriel with a glare. "Oh yeah? Seems to me like Daddy Dearest is still running."

Gabriel shrugged. "I don't know where He is at the moment. But He's given me a job to do, and He's got jobs for you two."

Dean shook with fury. "No. No, we're not gonna be your little lapdogs, running around because you tell us to. No."

"Look," Gabriel sighed. "I'm just passing on the message. You don't just stop being the Righteous Man because the apocalypse never happened. You're still God's champion. You've got to help us in this."

"I don't have to do anything." Dean argued. "What the hell can I do?"

"Dean."

Dean turned to see Cas frowning slightly.

"Dean, I want to help."

Holding back a sigh, Dean turned to Gabriel. "I'll think about it."

When the archangel had disappeared in a rustle of feathers that made Cas cringe, Dean turned to face his friend.

"Cas, we're talking about God, here. The bastard just up and left you all, and now He wants your help and won't even give you a damn explanation! Why the hell are you agreeing to this?"

"Because He's my Father, Dean! He created me!"

Dean felt his mouth drop open. Even after all this, Cas still believed that he didn't have a choice? "Cas, you don't owe that son of a bitch _anything_! You've bled for him enough, don't you think?"

Cas gave Dean an exasperated look. "I owe him everything, Dean, how can you not see that?"

Throwing his hands in the air, Dean started to pace back and forth in front of Cas. "You gotta be kidding me, Cas! What do I have to do to make you understand?"

"You can't, Dean." Cas sighed. "There's nothing _to_ understand." He took an orange pill bottle from his pocket and unscrewed the lid.

Dean felt his heart stop. He swiped the bottle from Cas' hand onto the floor. "What the hell, Cas?!"

Cas looked up at him, confused. "They're sleeping pills, Dean. Kevin gave them to me, to help me."

Dean's breath was coming in short, sharp gasps and his hands were shaking. Images of a dishevelled Cas that laughed and called him 'baby' and popped pills like there was no tomorrow were flashing past his eyes. Dean couldn't have that, he _wouldn't_.

"Cas, listen to me, you don't need them. Don't _ever_ take pills! Please."

"Why, Dean? Kevin said they would help."

Dean shook his head. "Not for you. Never for you. I don't care how fucked up you get. Do not take anything."

Cas furrowed his eyebrows and shrugged. "Why does it bother you so much? When have you cared how 'fucked up I get'? I recall you saying that you didn't care if I was broken."

"Cas, you know that's different!"

"Is it though?"

Blowing out a shaky breath, Dean stopped pacing and stood in front if Cas. **"Fuck, Cas…I just…" Dean stopped, and ran his hands through his hair. "I don't want you to change, man!"**

**"What do you mean?" Cas asked.**

**"Remember back in '09 when I went to 2014? Well, you were there, but you weren't _you_. You were all high and loose-moraled, and not...you."**

Cas was staring at Dean in shock. "I was what?"

"Cas, I can't wake up one morning and see you sitting there and know that you've become that. I can't do that. Don't ask me to do that, because I won't."

Rolling his eyes, Cas headed back towards to bunker. "Stop trying to take care of everyone, Dean."

"Dammit, Cas, I am not going to sit back and watch you break!"

"Then don't look!" Cas shot back over his shoulder.

Dean knew Cas was hurting, but the fact that he wasn't even willing to try just pissed him off.

"So what, you're not even going to make an effort?"

"Why do you care so much? I'm not your brother, Dean. Sometimes I don't even think I'm your friend. So why do you care?"

Throwing caution to the wind, Dean stormed after Cas and whirled him around. He pressed a hot, angry kiss to Cas' mouth and pulled away quickly.

"How dense are you, Cas. Why the fuck do you _think_ I care so much?"

Cas was frozen in shock, his mouth opening and closing. "Dean…I…."

He ran into the bunker, leaving Dean standing there, staring at the sky.

"Well, that went well." He sighed.

_**A.N. - Writing in bold is credited to CelticRose1, thanks for your help sweetie! Oppopde XD**_


End file.
